“Come in with me?”

I don’t know.

“You don’t have to, but if you want, the room’s open.”


“Ok well I’m going in.”

Fine. Fine, I’ll come. Which one’s your side?

“The messy one.”

Where’s Walt?

“At a tennis tournament for the weekend.”

Aw you’re all alone?

“Yeah, sad right?”


“Can you really not get on..”

Your bed is high.

“Sorry for the mess.”

It’s fine, my room is worse.

“Doubtful. Who’s your roommate?”

Eh, some girl.

“Some girl?”

Yeah. Don’t talk about her. I hate her.


Are you drunk?

“Sobering up.”

That’s unfortunate. I like you more drunk.


Sober you makes me uncomfortable.

“Ok then… I’ll take a shot.”

You have a handle in your room?

“Of course, what else do you expect.”

That’s true. That’s very true.


“Don’t go so fast.”

“You kiss West Coast style.”

West is best.

“No. East is better. I’ll show you.”


“Told you.”

Eh, I’ll stick to my way.

“Don’t doubt me, I know what I’m doing.”

Right, forgot. You’re a whore.

“I’ve changed.”

Oh yeah? What about Couch Girl?

“Uh what?”

Everyone knows you, that girl, common room couch?

“I didn’t know you knew.”

I know everything. It’s okay, you’re just a whore.

“I’m really not. I had a rough semester. I’m changing.”

It’s alright, you’re fucked up.

“I guess.”

I don’t mean to offend you. I’m pretty fucked up too.

“Oh really?”

Yeah, I have issues.

“I guess we both had our fun in the past, huh?”

No. I wasn’t as much of a hoe as you.

“Yup, that’s me. Always the bad guy.”

You keep things interesting.


Aren’t you forgetting something?


You know….


Think. What are you forgetting…

“I don’t know?”


“Oh. Um ok. Let me get my wallet.”

Ya don’t want you to become a baby daddy just yet.


“Fuck. It came off.”


“Let me get a new one.”

Don’t mind me. I’ll just be here…


“Shit. I’m out…of course this happens.”

Life sucks, doesn’t it.

“It does.”


“So…what’d you wanna do?”

I like your golf clubs. You seem like a golfer.

“What does that mean?”

You just seem like one.

“I used to play lacrosse.”

You seem like a lacrosse player too.

“Why, because I’m white?”

Yeah. That’s it. You’re just a typical white boy.

“Bet you think I’m a redneck too.”

A redneck Virginian who’s a man whore. That fits you.

“And the picture of the weird thing you plastered to my door?”

You look like that too.

“I think I look like Matt Damon.”

Don’t we all.

“Remember the first time we met?”

Yeah. You texted me confessing your love.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Don’t worry, I get that a lot.

“Well you did dodge me all night.”

Sorry I’m not as easy as you.

“You tried to snag some weed from me too.”

You proved useless once again.

“…who were you with?”

Don’t remember but I’m sure we were up for an adventure.

“It was weird.”

You still wanted me.

“I guess I did.”

Consider yourself lucky. I gave up my other boys for the night.

“Oh yeah the football players? You into that?”

You sound jealous.

“I don’t get jealous.”

Whatever you say. We both know I have more game than you.

“Everyone does, right? I’m just no-game Bren.”

It’s okay. You have me.


“God, I’m gonna be so fucked tomorrow.”

How much shit were you even on tonight..

“Alcohol, weed, coke, pills…some other stuff.”

You never fail to impress.

“My tolerance has gotten pretty high.”

Mine’s lowered but I sober up quickly.

“Really? Because you seemed pretty fucked up tonight.”

I know. I ditched my date after a bottle and a half of champagne.

“Who was your date?”

Some guy.

“You didn’t like him?”

He was creepy. And it’s my birthday.

“You ditched him because it’s your birthday?”

I hate birthdays. They’re depressing.


I’m a year closer to death. woo-hoo.

“You should get checked out.”

Be my life therapist.

“I can’t.”

Why not?

“You’re already mine.”

True. I think I do a pretty good job.

“I don’t know. I get fucked over too often for you to say that.”

I can’t teach responsibility. Only endorse it.

“You can’t even take your own advice.”

Yes. That’s very true. I’m the best you’ve got though.


“My parents gave up on me having a long-term girlfriend.”

I can’t even commit to a fucking plant let alone another person.

“Guess we’ve both got issues.”

We’ve established that already.

“Kinda went on a spiral after my last relationship.”

I cheated on my last couple boyfriends. Unintentionally.


I have issues. I’m a shitty girlfriend.

“It’s fine.”

Whatever. My last boyfriend texted me one day saying he missed me.


I told him we should end things.

“…You broke up with him over text?”

Yeah? Oh don’t worry I called him after and we talked.

“About breaking up?”

No, just normally.

“You’re weird.”

I take that as a compliment.

“You would.”


“You can be my date to Formal next week.”


“You can come with me to the game too.”

If you’re lucky.

“Well offer’s on the table.”

Tell me again when you’re sober.

“I’m pretty sober..”

I just made you take 10 shots. Trust me, you’re not.

“Nah I’m fine.”

Get checked out.

“We can stop by the health center together.”

We should. You already spend half your life there.


“You’re different.”

I’m a basic girl living a basic life.


How so..

“You don’t care about all that stupid stuff.”

Maybe I do.

“You don’t.”

I have better things to waste my time on than other people’s lives.

“I like that. We’re both mentally fucked but still physically free.”

I guess?

“I wish everyone here wasn’t so caught up in all the dumb shit.”

You said that already.

“I just don’t want to be that guy.”

You’re not. But even if you are, you have me.


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